shut up, yellow calculator.

24 posts in may,
not the 24th day, though.
24 days into may of last year,
i'd find a note under a present wrapped in brown paper, one i'd keep for months.
then i'd throw it away,
delete your number while riding in a car to a museum with a friend and some people i wanted to fit in with,
people i'd never fit in with.
they're not my kind of people,
i feel stupid now for trying to be like them.
only deleted it because they wanted to see my phone.
better not have something like that in there.
i don't hate you, even though so many people agree that i have the right to,
i want it to be okay.
clicking okay made me okay,
okay,
okay.
i thought it was over so many times,
the time when i didn't shoot the messenger,
the time when i called and you answered
and i asked and you answered,
the time when i threw it in the trash can,
the time when i deleted the number,
the time when i deleted the message.
but now, it's over,
because instead of pushing you away,
i'm pulling you closer.